Common Mistakes Made When Proposing (+ How to Avoid Them)

Posted by Grogan Jewelers By Lon on Nov 2, 2022 12:33:26 PM

It's an exciting time when you are getting ready to propose to the person you love. There are plenty of ways to plan the proposal right, but it's good to know some common mistakes people make when they are proposing. Today let's take a look at some of the mistakes men make when proposing, and some tips on how to avoid them.

Not Planning the Proposal in Advance

Even if spontaneity is one of the things that you love about each other, the moment you propose will be a moment that both of you remember for the rest of your life. It’s important to take the time to do it right.

Overthinking it, feeling nervous, and worrying about saying the wrong things are common pitfalls of planning to pop the big question. But planning out the proposal in as much detail as you can (including what you're going to say) can help alleviate your anxiety and help ensure everything goes smoothly.

At minimum, you should plan:

  • The location
  • The time
  • What you'll say
  • Who you'll tell ahead of time (more on that later!)
  • How you'll document the occasion (will you hire a photographer? Ask a friend to take pictures?)

The right location, the right time, the right words, the right way to celebrate, the right ring—all these things deserve time and attention to make this most personal of personal life occasions, personal, and as stress-free as possible.

Not Taking it Seriously

Every relationship is different! Your sense of humor, sense of adventure, wit, and things left unsaid are different from everybody else’s. But that is exactly the point when it comes to avoiding one of the most common mistakes that you can make when popping the question: not respecting the moment as much as you should.

Pranks and surprises make for great content on social media, but keep in mind that this day is more than a fleeting moment in someone else's day—this moment is one that will be remembered by the two of you forever, so it’s wise to very carefully vet the appropriateness of humor and comedy here. This moment is about the two of you and is ultimately between the two of you, so personalize it to honor it in a way that is right for the BOTH of you.

Going Overboard

On the flip side, taking it too seriously can be just as bad. Social media has shown us some wild and wonderful proposals that likely take months (and many dollars!) to plan, making a lot of us believe it has to be a huge event. However, for many couples, this kind of display isn't true to them, and your fiance-to-be might actually hate this kind of proposal.

It's more important to capture the intimacy and truth of your relationship than it is to create a spectacle. You don't have to have elaborate proposal plans and spend a bunch of time and money to ask your beloved to marry you. Instead, consider what will be meaningful to you both and what kind of proposal your future fiance will appreciate. When in doubt, keep it simple, honest, and focused on you and your loved one.

Not Keeping it Quiet

If you're trying to keep the proposal a surprise, the fewer people that know, the better. The more people you tell, the more likely it is that your secret plans will no longer be a secret. It can be tempting to share your excitement with others, but there will be time for that after you pop the question.

You may want help from a friend or family member to find the right engagement ring and to plan the proposal, but as a rule of thumb, don't tell anyone who doesn't have a role to play in either of those events.

Keeping it too Quiet

It's a good idea to tell at least one person so they can offer feedback, help you with any planning, be there to document the proposal, or help you stage the scene. You might, for instance, ask your future fiance's best friend for help finding the ring and brainstorm ideas to make the proposal perfect. She can help you arrange the event by getting your bride-to-be to the designated location or distract her while you get set up.

Additionally, this is a good time to consider any traditions your family and fiance might want to adhere to. It's perhaps a little old-fashioned to ask her father for permission, but she might appreciate you getting her family's blessing before you pop the question. Similarly, your fiance-to-be might want to have special people there for the proposal–maybe her family, or best friend, or both of your friends.

Finally, a note on secrecy. It can be easy for you to get caught up in trying to keep the proposal a surprise, but sometimes the sneaking around can backfire. Remember the proposal plot line in Friends, when Chandler tried so hard to make it a surprise, and Monica started thinking the relationship was over? Looping other people in is one way to ensure things don't spiral out of control, but also, be cognizant of how you're handling things leading up to the event.

Not Knowing if it's the Right Time

In most cases, couples have had conversations about the future and marriage before the proposal actually happens. You probably already know that marriage is what you both want, and you're probably planning your proposal at a time when you know you're both ready.

However, if that isn't true for you, it's time to take a step back. If you're not sure whether she'll say yes, or if you two haven't discussed marriage, or if you've discussed marriage but the timeline isn't clear, it's important to slow down. Have a candid conversation with your partner and figure out if your proposal is timed right. It can be tempting to have the whole proposal be a huge surprise, but that approach can backfire if she's not ready.

Proposing Without a Ring (Or with the Wrong Ring!)

In the movies, it can seem cute and enduring to propose with only a bread bag twist tie or a high school football ring. But in reality, it can feel like you really just didn’t put that much thought or effort into it, and that’s the last thing you want the love of your life to feel. Even if your wedding proposal is going to come as at least a little bit of surprise (the time and location, anyway) you should still take your time and make sure to secure a proper engagement ring.

Borrow or size one of their other rings to get the right sizing, pay attention to their likes and dislikes, or ask friends and family about the type of ring they might love. This is one sure way to avoid presenting your fiance with a ring that either slips off or won’t slip on after they’ve agreed to make you the happiest person on earth!

Speaking of rings, we love the role that we get to play in some of the world’s greatest love stories, whether you are close to one of our three locations or are coming to us online.

Come by our Florence, Alabama, Huntsville Alabama, or Franklin (close to Nashville!) Tennessee locations to browse our extensive inventory of engagement rings, or have your own custom piece designed.

Not in the area? Visit us online for a huge selection of beautiful engagement rings.